Wishing

Tonight I'm feeling rather lonely.

Just a couple hours before, I accompanied my friend to her cousin's engagement party. Surrounded by unfamiliar faces and some familiar, it was slightly awkward but tried to make myself feel comfortable. I just gave polite smiles and people watch. All the little kids running around, family bonding... Made me feel a little jealous. I wish I had family gatherings to go to, or yet be with my family and my boyfriend.

And then, when I was inside, they started to karaoke... The lights went out and my friends cousins grabbed his fiancée to the center of the room and started to dance and sing to her as the whole family watched...it was so sappy but so sweet at the same time. It made me wish for my baby to be here. I watched them..and I was feeling so happy for them...

I left because I couldn't take it anymore.
My eyes swelled as I feel myself get emo-overload. I miss my bee.

All and all, being there made me wish I could be with family...and start my own.
Until then, I lay here and end another night.

I hate feeling lonely and tonight is one of those nights. Bah.
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The goodbye, again.

A year ago, leaving him to fly back where he came from was easier. We knew little of each other, therefore parting wasn't quite as hard. Though it was a new beginning of something so good, so amazing...and I never thought a year later, that I'd be so madly in love. A year ago, I left him so that his parents took him to the airport, I drove away thinking.. "What an interesting fellow, ...and what's going to happen?" I honestly didn't know what was to happen, but I did know, I felt sad that I didn't get the chance to have more time with him..felt sad that he had to go back to Iraq.

So the long distance began, and communicating through the medium of long distance calls from some weird 10 digits and more and through myspace messages is where we started our relationship. As the cheese flowed, the more we fell for each other. Although my heart being a bit wary...seeing him again made me realize that he was worth the while.

...A year later, we spent a great week with each other, reminiscing the things we did last year. It was the blissful week I didn't do anything but enjoy the companionship with my lover...and the 10 days went far too quick. I watched him leave again today, and this time it was unbearable. My heart aches so much...to be without him. It doesn't feel right to not have him here.

So here I am, in my room..feeling ever so lonely... Just because last night in my bed, I had my baby to hold, and tonight I don't. If I'm not sleeping, I'm crying. If I'm not crying I'm pouring my feelings into words to help the heartaches. I let myself go today..so hopefully tomorrow I can be at ease...but I won't truly be at ease when he's in my arms again.

He's the love of my life...and I need him here with me. I love you bee.
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